Please note my sarcasm with this blog title:) A lot of people have been inquiring if Isabella will be starting kindergarten in a few weeks. Isabella did turn 5 in June. A summer birthday gave us the luxury (or burden:) of choice. It was a debate of epic proportions in our home, one I think may have only been settled because my Dad passed away and Bryan just wanted to make life easier for me:) But the final decision...drum roll...Isabella is going to pre-school this year (her 3rd year, she's getting her masters) and will start kindergarten in the fall of 2010!!!
A lot of thought, debate, conversation went into this decision. My ultimate advice to everyone would be to have your children born in the fall, maybe the winter, but never the spring or summer (again, note my sarcasm:).
The ultimate, main reason behind this choice is simply that I really love my children and my time with them and if I can have the gift of some extra time with them, I'll do it. Our kids are only young for so long and nowadays, kindergarten is all day (yuck yuck yuck - do not agree with this at all). When you start kindergarten, that's it, no turning back:) So you bet, I am going to take an extra year with my girl, an extra year to go on our adventures as we please, enjoy our playdates, stay in bed and watch a movie in bed on a lazy morning, read American Girl books for an hour at a time, etc, etc, etc...I chose to be a stay at home mom and have continually cut down my work hours for a reason...I love being with my kids.
(Quick interjection...sorry if I get defensive sounding at all, I just got some real heck for this decision at times that hurt me).
But I'll be honest, there were other reasons, other factors, concerns. And as we mulled over them, I thought how so often this blog is filled with 'awards and accolades' of my girls (PROUD MOMMA:), but I have always believed fiercely in being honest and not sugar coating the parenting experience. It's almost a right of passage for all parents to at some point (gasp) brag about our children, widely share the ways in which they are advanced, and to think they are gifted. Guilty, I've done all of that:)
Very early on, there was NO DOUBT IN OUR MIND that we would start Isabella in kindergarten at age 5. She had always seemed older, her vocabulary and ability to communicate out of this world. She knew colors and shapes before most kids her age. My child...drum roll please...was gifted:) I just knew it.
It was when she was 3 1/2 or so that something caught me or started to nag at the back of my head. Isabella was not taking to letters. For instance a lot of her peers were writing their name or had an interest in letters or could identify many of them. This was not happening. Her teacher had advised us to work on them if she was interested but to not push it. So I would casually try and interject things, flashcard identification, her ABC puzzles, trying to encourage/help her write her name on pictures, etc...
More often than not I was met with resistance, boredom, distraction, frustration. AS I saw more and more kids her age or younger writing their name on their own I started to have that old familiar feeling of parental failure...what was I doing wrong.
I talked with her teacher at her spring conference (spring 08) and she agreed that Isabella at this time really had very little interest in letters, writing, learning her name. We talked quite a bit about it and she encouraged us again to not push things, but to look for opportunities of interest. She said that if a year from now if we were in the same boat, we would want to look at the fact that she might have to have concentrated, focused activities/learning time to help.
So I just decided to chill out. I didn't push it. Tried to work on things here and there. I got Isabella to regularly put an 'I' on the pictures she colored. Here and there I could convince her to take the time and focus to put her whole name on the paper, with assistance. Again, there was often frustration, resistance.
We decided to have Bryan become 'The Letter Man' to see if she responded better to him and she did a bit.
I also began consulting with every person I knew in the education field about their opinions on kids with summer birthdays and kindergarten, along with parents I knew who had children with summer birthdays. Out of over 20 teachers I talked with, one felt it simply depended on the child, the rest overwhelmingly urged us to wait until she was older to start her in kindergarten. I heard over and over again the struggles that children with summer birthdays have in school, struggles at various points - 1st grade, 4th grade, middle school...struggles academically and wath maturity. I had a friend who's cousin with a spring birthday (so on the younger end of her kindergarten class) was having to do extra homework and reading every night to catch her up to the rest of the class. I communicated with Isabella's teacher over the summer about our concerns and our debate about when we should start kindergarten. We agreed to be in communication about it over the summer and throughout the school year.
The fall of 2008 and the start of another pre-school year began and Isabella was at a point where she was writing her name more often, not always correctly or with letters in the right order, but it was a step in the right direction.
At Isabella's fall conference in November, her teacher was very honest with us which I so appreciated. Isabella was at the top of the class socially, but at the bottom academically. This was not a surprise to us. Mrs. Voeller commented again how Isabella just seemed to have no interest:) More so than that, Mrs. Voeller noted how she really struggled with the symbol recognition for both letters and numbers.
For those of you who know Isabella closely, this will not necessarily surprise you, you know that she would prefere to spend most days in an imaginary world of stories, and singing and dancing and making up her little games. She is much more interested in being a puppy, kitty, rockstar, or playing in a 20 minute dialogue between a goldfish cracker and a plastic puppy from the Happy Joe's prize counter. It is amazing, I have watched that girl do a pretend conversation between a sucker stick and a strap on her booster seat for 15 minutes. The imagination on this child is fascinating. Learning her letters was just not nearly as interesting to her:)
So the kindergarten debate, Mom's desire for more time with her little lady, along with her struggles with letters, phonics, and symbol recognition weighed heavy on our minds. Really honestly, I guess it didn't weigh heavy on our minds, moreso our different takes weighed heavy on our minds:) I, the nurturer, who dreams only of my children being good people, was 100% convinced that we choose to have her on the older end of her class and wait for kindergarten. Bryan, the overachiever, was convinced we needed to push her and that she should start kindergarten. I worried about her struggling if we started her early, Bryan worried about her getting bored if we waited.
We started to consider everything...things like the age she would be when she started college, her height, the grade difference between her and Veronica, if she would be the first or last of her friends to turn 21 and on an on an on. When you are given the option it is the blessing and the curse to consider each one of these factors.
Reactions as people heard our debate varied. Many couldn't believe that Isabella could be at the bottom of her class. But this is where people have to be careful. Having a child who is verbally advanced or recognized shapes early does not mean that they should learn everything else as quickly or is not an indicator of them being brilliant. It was very hurtful when people would look at me as though I had done something wrong, afterall, Isabella could speak well, the fact that she wasn't getting her letters must be my fault. I again stress, it is dangerous to make assumptions based on things like that. It led me to some of my lowest points as a Mom, times where I cried and cried and cried because people made me feel like I had failed my daughter. Being a mom is the most important thing in the world to me...it sucks to feel like you srewed up. But than there was my Bryan and my 'mom squad' of support back home who picked me up and got me to realize that I am a good mom.
There was part of me folks that was like, who cares, big deal, so letters and phonics don't come naturally to her...oh no, life is over! I mean seriously. But this is also why I am thankful to have Bryan...we are the definition of ying yang. I do absolutely want the girls to value their education and try their best, sometimes I just feel a little overwhelmed by our obcession with being overachievers and how that makes us important. Bryan would say we need to be able to compete with China, I would say, well I probably shouldn't write what I would say:) I guess I just want my girls to get an education so they can help people and follow God's call for them and their gifts, not so they can compete with someone.
As spring rolled around we registered her for preschool with the option to change our minds. By spring we made the decision to do preschool again and have her be on the older end of her kindergarten class in the fall of 2010. Bryan said that ultimately I was more passionate about having more time with her at home, that it mattered more to me to have her wait, than it did to him to have her start. But I do say with an air of humor and seriousness, I think my Bryan just really felt sad for me that my Dad died:) But I really appreciated him deferring to my instinct. We had this conversation where I told Bryan one time, I am with her all day, I see her around other kids her age, some younger, some older, I've observed her amongst her classmates and I just have this feeling and I need you to trust my instinct.
If you ask Isabella she will tell you that she is doing 'pre-k, one more year before I go to kindergarten':) And as a side note, her phonics and letters have really started to click, all in her own time, on her own accord. It might sound silly, but I'm proud of myself, I respected my daughter and where she was at. I let her come into her own and it was beautiful. The reason I'm proud is because I can't tell you how many times as I watched other kids so easily write their name, as I got comments from others, etc...that I wanted to set up Alphabet Bootcamp and be like, child you will learn this because people are thinking I'm a bad mom:) And yes, I do know that she will need to be pushed, etc...in the future, but she was 3 and 4, a baby, a child. I wanted her to be a child and be a cat, even though it drives me crazy, not to worry about competing with China:)
If Isabella was starting kindergarten in two weeks, I would be a wreck...well, I'll still probably be a wreck next year. But I LOVE being a mom, I love my days with my girls, I love going on adventures, I love watching them put on dance shows, I love coloring, I love playing Barbies, I love praying with them and finding ways to teach them about God and serving others, I LOVE IT! I am SO THANKFUL to have just one more year with my sweet precious girl before we enter 'the real world':)
So someday when Isabella asks why we decided to have her be on the older end of her class, I will tell her it was simply because I loved her so much that I just wanted some more time with her...now is that so bad?
On a sidenote...to the many friends who spent many many many many hours mulling this over with me and for all of your support and for encouraging me to stick to my guns and to not feel bad for wanting more time with my daughter...THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!
Now I just have to go and deal with my sadness that preschool is starting in less than two weeks...grrrr:)
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